What is real?

I mean, there are a lot of different ways to look at that word. Things that actually exist are real. Things that we feel are real, but so are things that we can’t. Of course my favourite (read: the worst) uses of the term real that never cease to make me cringe, are when people apply it to other people’s aesthetics.

Don’t know what I’m talking about? I’ll briefly explain for those of you who have clearly not spent enough time on the internet, so the rest of you can skip ahead.

A great example of people misusing the term “real” on humans comes from the backlash surrounding basically any lingerie marketing campaign ever. Victoria’s Secret got in on the action after their “The Perfect Body” campaign came under criticism for not using “real women” in their ads, and Aerie became entwined in this confusing use of vocabulary after releasing their body-positive advertisements, #aeriereal, similar to Dove’s “real beauty” campaign.

Ugh.

This use of the term real – no matter its context – drives me batshit crazy. Women and men, no matter how many plastic surgeries they’ve had, or amount of makeup they wear or image editing they’ve undergone, are real people. Yes, nobody comes out of their mom with a six-pack, bright pink hair, and flawless eyebrows, but the people who have those things now are still real.

Now, this is the part where I address the growing feeling in your gut that’s starting to whisper, “but hey, edited images and impossible body standards need to be called out because those things are bad”, and if you know me, you know I am ALLLLLLLLL about #bodypositivity.

But the word and use of the term real is still (really) a problem, and here’s why:

By applying the word “real” to humans and the way they look, we immediately make the assumption that not all other humans are real, or aren’t to a certain degree. By communicating to people that they are in fact not real (whether we intend to communicate that or not) we devalue them.

In a culture where we intensely vocalise our preference for authenticity, originality, and truth – while simultaneously and CONSTANTLY experiencing things that have been altered, edited, or supplemented – categorising or measuring someone’s “real” factor leads us back to a basic problem: objectification and judgement of other humans.

I know, I know, nobody actually does that on purpose anymore, it’s 2016. But some people still might, whether we know it or not. Not only that, but people communicate every time they basically do anything, regardless of their intent or knowledge of what message they’re sending.

That’s where we come back to the term real.

When I use the term real in this context of body image, the first person that generally comes to mind is someone with numbers on the scale and letters on their shirt tags similar to mine. But the people who look differently from me are still real.

By defining specific people as “real,” we not only praise them for having some feature or characteristic that others don’t have, we also make assumptions about those people. This also sends a subtle message to the people with features undeserving of the term “real” that they aren’t good enough.

We use “real” people as tokens to exemplify what is right, good, and pure, and shame people who don’t look “real” enough or appreciate body modifications and synthetic aesthetics for being so grossly “fake.” How is that fair??

Of course, you could point out some kind of privilege that comes into play and why it’s important to empower people and – you guys, I already agree with you.

The point is that I think humans of all shapes and sizes and styles and looks should have the right to behave, celebrate, and love however they want, so long as they don’t harm others. And in my efforts to make that possible for everyone, I have to address the problems in the body positivity movement that stem from the descriptor “real.”

I’m not saying we can’t compliment each other or use the term real ever again, because that would be stupid. And I’m definitely not saying that you can’t call people out for body shaming or generally being an asshole.

What I am saying, is that when you use the term real to describe a woman or man’s appearance, you close one gap and help open another, even if you do ever so slightly. I’m saying be aware of the words you use and how others interpret the way you use them.

To close the gaps – all of them – we should avoid focusing on people’s degree of realness or authenticity. We have to focus on loving people just as they are, and encouraging others to do the same.

And that’s it.